My Doula Philosophy
Years later, when asked why I became a doula, I remembered how it felt to have served a purpose as the planet said goodbye to a soul whom I loved and prepared itself to meet some new ones. I find that everyday life can leave me feeling separated from the beautiful and sometimes heartbreaking rhythms that this world relies on. Plants blossom and then slowly lose their leaves. Lakes spend their whole life freezing over and liquifying again. Childhood dogs die, and their owners grow up to say they are only fostering a pitbull that they’ve had for a year… Life and death exist everywhere, but they are often viewed as moments to endure, times to buckle down and make it through. If “suffering through it” becomes the standard way we experience transition, then this world will positively explode.
The entire task of being a doula, of watching someone’s world change, is to try and keep the world that exists in a birthing person’s room from exploding into the land of not enough cozy blankets and unwanted medical interventions, where respect and joy are lacking. Birth doulas do this by honoring the rhythm of birth and giving it support when asked.
Now I don’t think my “foster” dog, Blue, would make a very good doula, because she experiences difficulty understanding personal space boundaries. But she makes a great welcome home greeter,
Pictured here is me, Kami, practicing a common labor position while my foster dog, Blue, wraps herself around my head. They say Pitbulls are incredibly dedicated. They will commit themselves to living as they were raised to be, without question. Hence why they have a bad reputation. If they are raised to be aggressive, they will display those characteristics fiercely. Blue, however, was raised with so much love you would think it might overflow out of her. She was raised to care, to mother, to sit with your feelings, to comfort and protect. I can relate to Blue on this level. Having been raised by the most caring woman I’ve ever met, I feel a call to support the world I see around me. To be born by my mother was to inherit her ways and make them my own.
When I was about 10 years old, my family decided it was time to put down my elderly dog, a yellow Labrador named Maggie. I was heartbroken to say goodbye to the animal that had witnessed my childhood and frequently found herself on the receiving end of some of the biggest feelings of love I’d known at that age. Unsure if it was a good idea, only knowing I wanted to be with her for as long as possible, I asked my mom if I could sit with Maggie while she passed. My worried mother cautiously agreed, and without knowing it, opened me up to a part of myself that would later become central to who I am. This moment felt so big; the thought of allowing her to go through it alone was almost equally as upsetting as losing her. Holding Maggie’s paw as she transitioned out of her physical body, I was full of emotions, but calm. The body I had known Maggie in was no longer the home of her soul. It was hard, but I understood it. She had transformed right in front of me, and although I don’t speak Labrador, the kiss she gave to my hand told me that she, too, understood and was at peace with it. I slept that night feeling like I had taken part in one of the natural cycles of this earth.
evening walk companion, and snuggle buddy. She supports the rhythm of the day, infusing every moment with her uniqueness. She reminds me that some of us were raised to care for these natural rhythms. At my most vulnerable moments growing up, my mother met me with a listening ear and a network of support. She raised me to believe that respecting moments of vulnerability means supporting them with the utmost care. I believe I’m a good birth doula because I was raised to care for the ebb and flow of this world. Sitting with Maggie as she passed, cracked open a part of me that refuses to let transformations go unwitnessed, that refuses to accept that route of suffering alone.
I’m a doula because I care to be with people during powerful and sometimes vulnerable moments in life. I care to pull forward the line of thought I was raised in, and make support and safety available whenever they are needed. I care to be like Blue, but with outstanding personal space boundaries.
Now I don’t think I need to clarify that I love dogs more than I already have; however, I do hope that my reason for coming to birth work feels clear. If you feel interested in having me as a part of your birth team, please use the button at the top of my site to schedule a time to meet. I wish you a wonderful birth journey ahead :)